Therapy for Sex and Intimacy in San Diego, CA
Find your way back to each other.
Preeti Presswala-Shah, LMFT
Are you longing to restore intimacy in your relationship?
For many couples, conversations about sex feel awkward, tense, or shut down before they even begin. You might still find sex as pleasurable but infrequent or sex is no longer pleasurable for either one or both partners.
You might be secretly wondering….
"What's wrong with me?"
"How can I feel more desire and be more intimate?"
“Why am I undesirable now?”
“Why is my partner rejecting me?
Sexual intimacy is an essential aspect of any romantic relationship. It fosters emotional connection, pleasure, and overall satisfaction, but your upbringing, cultural messages about sex and gender, or ideas about "how things should be" has made it incredibly difficult to speak openly. This has left you feeling alone with your questions and worries.
When physical intimacy changes, it creates real pain in the relationship. You may both be feeling a mix of frustration, resentment or sadness. The mismatch in desire has become a silent, crippling subject, even though you both desperately want to feel close again.
As the Low Desire Partner, you feel overwhelmed, touched out, broken, and guilty. Your already depleted system feels overloaded with the demands of sex.
As the Higher Desire Partner, you might feel rejected, alone, and not desired. The lack of sex can lead you to believe you no longer matter to your partner.
When you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, it is common to notice how comparisons began to creep in.
You may wonder why intimacy felt easier in the beginning. You may question why other couples seem to have it "figured out." These comparisons can magnify feelings of shame and pressure, making the distance in your relationship feel even larger.
The truth is, desire differences are not a sign that your relationship is broken. They are an invitation to understand each other more deeply and rebuild intimacy with intention and care.
how i can help….
Therapy can help you Rebuild Intimacy, Desire, and Connection
Expanding Your Understanding of Sex
Rebuilding desire goes beyond frequency, it’s about connection. You’ll develop a broader, more flexible definition of intimacy that includes emotional closeness, sensual connection, touch, playfulness, and curiosity. Through specific tools and exercises, you’ll rediscover a kind of physical intimacy that feels safe, connected, and enjoyable for both partners.
I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with the Gottman Method to help couples understand the emotional and relational cycles that drive sexual disconnection. Rather than focusing only on desire differences, we look at the deeper patterns that keep you stuck, and the emotional needs underneath them.
Identifying the Cycles That Block Intimacy
Many couples find themselves caught in one of these patterns:
Pursue-Withdraw where one of you reaches, the other retreats.
Attack-Attack where conflict becomes the only form of contact between the two of you.
Withdraw-Withdraw where both of you shut down and feel lonely and emotionally distant.
Burnout where you have reached your limit and role has reversed where pursuer might look like withdrawer and/or vice versa.
Together, we map these cycles so you can see how each partner’s moves of reaching, shutting down, criticizing, or pulling away, are rooted in deeper feelings like fear, longing, or overwhelm.
From Blame to Understanding
You’ll learn to shift from seeing your partner as “the problem” to recognizing that both of you are caught in a cycle that neither of you created alone. This creates space for empathy, validation, and a softer understanding of each other.
Creating New Bonding Moments
As safety grows, partners begin expressing new emotions and clearer needs directly to each other. These moments create powerful corrective emotional experiences that rebuild trust, closeness, and connection. This Positive Cycle, restructures and strengthens the bond and fosters:
Accessibility where you are emotionally available to have challenging conversation around sex and intimacy.
Responsiveness where you learn to respond with responsive desire not just spontaneous desire.
Emotional engagement where you turns sexual intimacy into an experience of closeness rather than pressure.
Over time, both partners learn “new moves” that replace old patterns and support secure connections.
Why Do I Use Both Methods?
EFT helps you understand the emotional cycle you’re caught in, while Gottman method gives you the tools to change it.
Together, they help couples:
Feel safer sharing vulnerable emotions
Communicate with more respect and clarity
Rebuild trust after hurt
Rekindle intimacy and closeness
Using both methods gives you a deeper understanding of your relationship and the practical skills to make lasting change.
WHAT IF YOU CAN EXPERIENCE….
Honest Communication and Reduced Tension…
You can talk about sex, desire, and boundaries openly and without defensiveness, shame or fear of rejection.
Renewed Playfulness…
You rediscover the lightness and fun that may have disappeared under stress, conflict, or unmet needs.
A Shared Definition of Intimacy…
You move beyond a narrow definition of sex and begin celebrating all the ways you can feel close, emotionally, physically, and playfully.
Increased Desire (or Acceptance)...
With pressure removed, desire begins to grow naturally again, or you find compassionate acceptance around desire differences without feeling “broken.”
Pleasure-Focused Sex…
You feel more comfortable expressing what you want, exploring new experiences, and guiding each other toward mutually satisfying intimacy.
Shifting From Obligation to Responsive Desire…
You feel more comfortable expressing what you want, exploring new experiences, and guiding each other toward mutually satisfying intimacy.Intimacy stops feeling like something you “should” do and becomes something you genuinely want to share. As emotional safety grows, desire becomes more spontaneous, responsive, and mutual.
Feeling Seen and Valued…
The higher-desire partner feels desired and chosen, while the lower-desire partner feels safe, understood, and no longer pressured.
I want you to know:
You don’t have to keep living like roommates.
You can create a relationship that feels loving, intimate, and alive again.
faqs
Common questions about therapy for sex and intimacy
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Yes. Avoidance often comes from overwhelm, fear of pressure, or past hurt, not a lack of love. We work slowly and gently to understand what’s underneath the avoidance and create a space where intimacy feels safe, wanted, and emotionally grounding for both partners.
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Absolutely. Many couples argue because sexual conversations feel loaded with pressure, shame, or fear of rejection. Therapy gives you a safe, guided space to talk about desire, needs, and boundaries in a way that feels respectful, calm, and productive.
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Spontaneous desire fades for most long-term couples. As connection, safety, and emotional closeness increase, desire becomes responsive, meaning it emerges after you feel close, not before.
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Yes! Many couples experience desire returning once emotional safety and trust are rebuilt. When the hurt is processed and repaired, intimacy becomes possible again, and desire often shifts from pressured or avoidant into responsive, natural, and mutual.
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I specialize in culturally sensitive couples therapy, especially for South Asian, Asian, bicultural, or interracial couples. You won’t need to translate or justify your experiences. We look at how cultural scripts, upbringing, and expectations shape intimacy, communication, and trust, and help you create a relationship that works for both of you.
READY TO FEEL CLOSE AGAIN?
Your relationship deserves a second chance.
If you’re longing for connection and intimacy to return, I’d be honored to support your next steps.